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We want to inspire our clients to achieve whatever goals they have set for themselves. The articles in this blog are meant to guide you to a higher level of uderstanding. We want to provoke deep thought and provide clarity.

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Welcome to The Resurrection of Common Sense

Posted on August 9, 2016 at 7:15 PM Comments comments (1)

Welcome to The Resurrection of Common Sense

 

Common Sense, a term used to describe knowledge and wisdom that most people should possess. It is the ability to perceive and understand life and situations while using the best judgment for a favorable outcome. The old folks call it “mother wit”. I don't know when it happened or why it happened, but common sense is not so common any more.

 

Recklessness

People leave their children and pets in hot cars, parents are not teaching their children about “Stranger danger”, which must extend to the Internet, and people are reckless on social media with their words and actions. Gone are the days when people thought before they spoke and were empathic toward others feelings. I see girls and women posting half nude photos online for attention and boys and men with facial tattoos and “Eggplant” pics. This must stop! One reckless choice can haunt you for the rest of your life. These choices can cost you your job, friends, freedom and even your life. There is a serious disconnect from emotional, physical and moral responsibility while using these social networks. When you sit in front of the computer or text on your phone and you don’t have to look that person in the face, it’s easier to say what you feel. Without any regard to the consequences, folks go on frantic rant about whatever pushed their buttons. There is no physical, emotional or moral accountability, until you go too far.

 

Let's be clear on one thing, big brother is here and he's not going anywhere. Everything you put out on social media, emails, text, even Snap Chat can be retrieved. Think before you speak, type and act. You can’t say and do what you want and expect no back lash. Be mindful of your actions and how they affect your life. Just in case your momma didn't tell you, there are consequences for your actions, there is Karma for your recklessness, and there are repercussions for your carelessness.

 

Careers

Nothing irks me more than someone who comes to a job interview with uncombed hair, wrinkled clothes, boobs showing, sagging pants or tight revealing attire. Have you not heard “dress for the job you want”? Common sense tells you to put your best face forward. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. When you show up to an interview ungroomed and unprepared it tells your future employer that you do not take pride in yourself, which translates to not taking pride in your work.

 

There are other work related issues that can be avoided with good common sense practices. Such as, showing up on time, finish projects in a timely manner, and not complaining about your job while you're on the job. Please double, hell, triple check your resume. Misspelled words are a no-no and something you should already know. Use the correct their, there and they're. You have spell check, a dictionary and a thesaurus on your computer, USE THEM!!

 

Parenting

Lastly, a small piece of common sense advice on parenting. Stop trying to be your child's buddy. You cannot party, twerk, and smoke with your child and expect them to respect you as an authority figure. You can be a friend to your child, by being there when they need to talk and enjoying hobbies together, but not co-signing their foolishness and bad behavior. When you overindulge your child, you teach them that they don't have to set boundaries and follow rules. “Uncoachable children become unemployable adults”-Patrick Murphy.

 

These children are soft, whinny little wimps! You have to toughen them up because like it or not it's a mean cold world and nobody is going to coddle them and baby them. Children should learn life lessons early in life. You don't get a trophy for showing up or for participating. Children need to understand hard work and failure at an early age so they can handle it as a teen and an adult. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm being real. If Timmy doesn't learn now that he has to put in more effort to achieve a goal, how will he know to work hard for that promotion? Will he be jealous of his co-worker and feel jaded and passed over? Will he feel entitled to a raise or promotion for a mediocre job performance? Parents, you want to set your child up for success I get it, but failures, setbacks and disappointments are a part of the journey to success. Of course you want to protect your child/children from hurt and disappointment but these experiences help them grow mental and emotional strength that adds value to their character.

 


Top 5 Reasons Employees Need Coaching

Posted on June 18, 2016 at 6:25 AM Comments comments (0)

Top 5 Reasons Employees Need Coaching

As a former Human Resource Consultant I often felt paralyzed because I did not have the time or resources to help employees the way I knew they needed. There are a variety of areas that employees may want or need improvement. After coached 100’s of executives, managers, as well as groups or teams, these are the top 5 reasons employees need coaching:

1. Practicing Good Communication- Communicating is not just about talking or body language. Being a good listener is a key component that unfortunately gets ignored as a form of communication. Also be sure that the person you are speaking to understands what you are saying. You can simply ask them to repeat what you said. I use to do this with my kids, it works fine with adults too.

2. Organization- Employees that struggle to stay organized often become overwhelmed and less productive. They tend to have difficulty prioritizing projects and meeting deadlines. Some employee’s frustrations with their workload can increase anxiety or create hostility with co-workers in the workplace.

3. Work Relationships- If an employee has difficulty getting along with co-workers or supervisors, they may need coaching as opposed to firing them. Offer the employee the opportunity to re-build and repair those relationships. One benefit is there is already a familiarity with the other staff members and it promotes good will within the company.

4. Not Being Viewed as a Team Player- This subject can be tricky. I’ve seen it used as form of manipulation to “guilt-trip” employees into increasing their work load. On the other hand, for some it is a well-earned statement. Yet without properly assessing them or coaching them you will never know their reason for not being a team player. Most groups and teams that I have worked with had someone they referred to as “the slacker or not a team player”. Most of the time the person did not understand their role in the group and the expectations were not clearly defined. Thus goes the need to practice good communication.

5. Work-Life Balance- This one is very important because it can be the difference between a mediocre employee and an exceptional one. Promoting a heathy balanced life is great for both the company and the employees. Work-life balance helps employees focus, preform at optimum levels, reduce burnout, stress, less days missed and creates job satisfaction.

 

Where Does the Life Coach Go to Get a Pep Talk?

Posted on May 6, 2016 at 11:00 AM Comments comments (0)

When I decided to start my own coaching business I knew it would be a difficult task. On this journey I have endured countless set backs and false starts just to fall 3 steps behind. I sometimes contenplated closing up shop and settling for a regular job, but what a hypocrite I would be if I gave up because the road got rough. I drill into my clients not to retreat or surrender so why should I? I have to be a walking breathing symbol of hope. Not perfection because none of us are, but just the hope that my efforts are not in vain. So where does a life coach go to get a pep talk? I go to my clients, not physically but in spirit. Remembering our talks and the courage it takes to continue moving forward. When life punches you, punch back harder!

5 ways to reinvent your career at 40

Posted on July 31, 2015 at 2:45 AM Comments comments (0)

1. Evaluate- evaluate your current position. What career would you rather have? Consider your financial responsibility and how your new career will effect you financially. Evaluate you current level of happiness. Are you fulfilled in your current career?

 

2. Research- speak with people in the field you're interested in. Seek the advice of an expert in that field. Learn the educational or certifications required for the position you want.

 

3. Plan- prepare for change. Go back to school, refresh your resume, and learn new skills. On your resume highlight your results and accomplishments at work. Play down the years worked and focus on the outcome of your hard work. Use networking to help you gain employment. Practice interviewing and have a contingency plan. Be fearless in your conquest and believe in your abilities.

 

4. Stay Positive- remember why you began this journey and all you will gain. although it may get rough, remain positive. Job hunting is a bit different from the last time you may have looked for a job. Don't give up, the right position will come. If those pesky negative feeling emerge learn how to control them. Use your negative insecurities to your advantage by pushing yourself to succeed.

 

5. Think Outside of the Box- be flexible and creative in your quest for employment. Learn how to utilize the Internet for job searches. This is the time to think about starting you own business or some other wonderful idea. Think about work in a different way and make it work for you. Be like MacGyver, the 80's TV show. Learn to make the resources you have work for you.

Fear

Posted on June 28, 2015 at 7:00 AM Comments comments (2)

I know fear very well; we used to be best friends. I have lived most of my life in some form of fear, letting it consume me. I had become paralyzed by fear and was drowning in negative thoughts. My relationship with fear began when I was a small child. I was afraid of animals, moving and displeasing my father. I was diagnosed with childhood depression at age 6, and by age 9, my parents and I had moved 6 different times. I was attacked by a dog when I was 6 and a cat at age 8. My experience with animals has not been the best. Moving around caused extreme fear and anxiety in me because I was seeking stability at home and there was none for a while. I do thank my parents for providing stability for me with school. I know it must have been difficult paying for private school while we moved around. My father was a very traditional parent that believed in Old Testament fear of God child rearing. There was a lot of beatings and judgement, “spare the rod spoil the child”. He always pushed me to succeed and was hyper critical when I didn’t. If I got a B he would say I should have gotten an A. Not feeling worthy or good enough was instilled in me from an early age and I feared failure so much that I stop trying.

Meanwhile I gave power of my life over to fear, I was completely discontented. I had moments of joy and happiness of course, but was not overall satisfaction and pleased with life. I had blamed myself for things that happened to me as a child and I became unforgiving of my own failures. As an adult, I accepted the role of the sacrificial lamb in my family and I voluntarily surrendered my identity for fear of not being a good enough mother or wife. With the exception of my animal phobia, the root of all my fears came from one idea. I never felt good enough. This idea has haunted me from childhood because my father always found fault in everything I did. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my father and overall, he is a wonderful guy. He has taught me many great lessons in life but his parenting skills were harsh and unforgiving. He has apologized many times for the way he mistreated me. Nevertheless, the damage was already done. Self-doubt and fear had embedded themselves into my psyche.

We all have a theme in our lives, the thing that has followed us and tormented us until we confront and address it. My theme was fear. It wasn’t until I was in my late 20’s that I realized how much I had lost and missed because of my relationship with fear. I wasn’t as adventurous as I wanted to be, I had not completed college like I wanted to, and I had not confronted my father about my childhood. I had let painful events in my marriage go unchecked for fear of a divorce and I had shown unwavering loyalty to people who didn’t deserve it for fear of being alone. But then there was clarity. When I decided to confront my fears my life changed.

Up until that point I had accomplished minimal goals, and then the opportunity to return to college presented itself. I had to seriously ask myself, was I going to continue to allow fear to rob me of fulfilling the dream of being a college graduate? I had a GED and was a college dropout. I had to seriously question myself, was that the legacy I wanted to leave my children? I decided not to let fear of failure control me. I went on to earn a bachelor of science in Psychology and a master of art in Human Resource Management. I confronted my father and we are in a much better place. I ended relationships with people who did not appreciate my loyalty and my husband and I faced the unchecked issues that were destroying our marriage. Since then I have conquered many fears and developed bold courage. Now I believe that even if I fail I still tried. It’s not that fear no long visits me; I just don’t allow it to move in. I had to end that relationship because it was killing my spirit. We must learn not to live in fear. We do not have to be good enough to others, only to ourselves and God.

Fear serves a purpose; it either drives you away from something or toward something. We all have to decide what purpose fear serves in our lives. It is a natural human emotion that we have control over. Part of our human journey is learning to control fear and channel it into positive outcomes. This is what it means to conquer fear. It is not denying the existence of fear, but the ability to control what fear makes us do. In my deepest darkest moments of fear I found clarity, the clarity of my personal power. Find your personal power over fear, conquer it! Don’t let fear conquer you!

 

 

Poor Communication

Posted on June 16, 2015 at 2:25 AM Comments comments (0)

Most marital conflicts can be resolved with increased communication. Assuming things about your spouse or trying to read their thoughts can cause catastrophic repercussions that are unnecessary and avoidable. Do not allow life’s hardships and outside concerns to steal your peace in your marriage.

Communication is your lifeline in marriage. If trust is the foundation on which couples build their relationships, then love is the bricks and communication is the mortar and cement that holds it all together. To lose any of them would make your marriage unstable. Each of the three helps to sustain your relationship and when kept strong, allows your marriage to grow.

Establishing strong communication in your marriage is one of your strongest defenses against marital conflict. In many marriages one spouse is a talker and the other is not. Both of you have to find a middle ground in the way you communicate with each other. Good communication is not just talking it is also about being a good listener. Understanding the perspective of your spouse demonstrates respect of their feelings and gives you insight into how you can meet their needs.

For both spouses, it is important to understand the different communication styles. There are 4 types of communication: non-verbal, written, verbal, and listening. Sometimes non-verbal communication can be misunderstood and lead to subjective interpretation. Written communication is a great method to communicate information and feelings of love. This type of communication is beneficial to visual learners. Sometimes seeing the words gives more clarity than verbal.

Verbal communication like the other types, it can be both an effective and destructive form of communication. Yelling and name calling are inefficient methods of communication. Speak calmly and respectfully to one another. You and your spouse should learn what type of communication your spouse uses. Lastly, there is listening. Most people overlook listening skills as a form of communication. To be a good communicator you must have excellent listening skills. The ability to be a good listener allows you to accurately receive and interpret messages. We actively listen to obtain information, to understand, and to learn. When you and your spouse have discussions, be sure to practice active listening techniques.

Learn how to use each type of communication effectively. Ask your spouse which form of communication they understand best? Practice conveying the same message using all 4 types of communication. Start with non-verbal because it is often the most misunderstood. Next try written, see if your spouse has a better understanding. Communicate your message verbally and lastly listen to your spouse by repeating what they said. You and your spouse both can evaluate which form of communication best allowed the message to be received.

 

Showing Up

Posted on June 16, 2015 at 2:10 AM Comments comments (1)

Showing Up

Showing up for your spouse demonstrates a commitment to the relationship and requires all four elements of personal courage. When your spouse says “I need you to show up for me”, it means being present, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually or morally. Getting married is the bravest act of love you will ever encounter because you are giving a part of yourself away to someone else. Love your partner so deeply that if they had to choose, they would choose you again.

Whether you’re a newlywed or have been married for 30 years, it is never too late to create a happier healthier marriage. What if I asked you to think of your marriage as a business? Think of the commitment, time and work that is involved in creating a successful business. Apply that same dedication to your relationship. Truly, you get out what you put in. Many CEOs and Presidents of companies often work long hours to ensure the success of their businesses.

Your marriage is your company and both spouses share the title of CEO. The value and progress of your marriage is based on the amount of work, time, and devotion you give to it. This is why it is important to have a shared goal. What is your marriage mission statement?

 


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